Why the Pope declared war on capybaras
When the Vatican declared our gentle furry friends to be "fish", a near-extinction event followed
It’s Easter! And that means the season when Latin Americans eat thousands of capybaras, because some weirdo convinced the pope they are “fish”, is over. Whew! How did this bizarre tradition start anyway? We’re so glad you asked, because we have a little history explainer in defense of our furry comrades.
And it’s a convoluted tale.
In 2021, on a reporting trip to Arauca, Colombia, I had the unfortunate experience of learning a new verb. As I toured a tent city created by a displaced indigenous group,the Hitu people, we talked about the needs of the community and their hopes to recover their ancestral lands.
During the civil war, the Hitu people suffered aggressions from both criminal armed groups and the Colombian military, and were eventually driven from their lands completely.
They live now in extreme poverty as squatters outside of Arauca. Food had been scarce, and they subsidize their diets, “chigüireando”, they told me. The phrase would translate literally as “capybara’ing”. They told me that a large family of capybaras lived at the nearby lake.
Excited, I asked where, and if we could go see them. I’m a huge fan of the good-natured, adorable and gentle South American super-rodents. But, the Hitu leader I was talking with explained that they had been over hunted by hungry residents, and no longer lived nearby.
Chigüireando means hunting Capybaras, not befriending them.
The actions and customs of the Hitu people, especially as they confronted poverty, were understandable, and it was hardly the first time I’ve heard people talk of eating Capybaras. The custom is popular in Venezuela and in parts of Colombia. And whenever I talk of my love for capys online, there is usually someone who tries to shock me by saying how delicious they are.
But before that day, I didn’t know hunting capybaras was so common that there was a need to invent a verb to describe the action.
Sometime between the 16th and 18th centuries (accounts vary), Venezuelan clergymen wrote to the Vatican asking for a blessing from the pope himself. They had discovered an animal common in the region that lived in water, and had webbed feet. They wanted permission to kill it, claim it was fish, and begin a massive genocide campaign against capybaras.
With Lent approaching, they asked the Vatican to grant the animal the status of fish, so they might eat it during the upcoming days of meat-free fasting. By letter, the Catholic Church, and the Pope agreed, and the capybara — the largest living rodent in the world — became a coveted addition to many Lenten dinner tables.
The population, having pulled off some very serious rules-lawyering over what is, and is not to be considered “meat” during Lent, went on a capybara murder spree. The animals were hunted to near extinction in the region.
Government regulation halted the near-extinction event however, and the fast reproductive cycle of capybaras (they are great lovers, in addition to being gentle) meant they quickly repopulated.
But the tradition continues to this day. Capybaras are commonly eaten in both Colombia and Venezuela, and every Lent, the number of capys killed increases astronomically.
There is a restaurant five blocks from my house in Bogotá that features them prominently on the menu. Before you ask, no, I have never tried capybara. I mean, just look at their faces. If you happen to be a Catholic priest reading this, I would encourage you to write a letter to the current pope asking that this absurd legalism classifying them as fish be rescinded.
And not just because they are so gentle either. We have seen the power of capybara revolutions in Argentina, where my giant rodent comrades have taken back their ancestral territory by force.
It would seem that capys have less patience than the Hitu people.
But this Easter, I write these observations with the hope that both the Hitu, and their capybara neighbors, recover their homelands, and are someday able to live free from persecution.
Viva la revolución capyabara!
The Big Headlines in LATAM
Colombia expelled the Argentinian ambassador from the country on Thursday after Argentinian President Milei called his Colombian counterpart a “terrorist” and “a murderer” in an interview with media company CNN.
The two presidents, who both seem to share an unhealthy addiction to Twitter, have feuded on the website in the past over economic policies, the Argentine dictatorship and the Colombian civil war, but this time it seems to have escalated into the media and the real world.
The comments inspired wide condemnation in Colombia, even among some of Petro’s critics.
Peruvian used a battering ram to smash the front door of President Dina Boluarte’s house with a battering ram as part of a surprise raid to search her home Saturday night.
After they searched her home, just after midnight, officers went to the presidential palace where, this time, they were admitted without resorting to force.
Boluarte is being preliminarily investigated for allegedly acquiring an undisclosed collection of luxury watches since becoming vice president and social inclusion minister in July 2021, and then president in December 2022.
Boluarte’s lawyer, Mateo Castañeda, told radio station RPP on Saturday morning that police even searched under the carpets at the presidential palace, and found approximately 10 “nice” watches. The investigation is one of three ongoing corruption probes against her.
Ship’s Business
Everyone is on vacation because in LATAM Easter is a huge deal! The PWS crew is scattered on various trips for Semana Santa, except Joshua, who is alone in Bogota. It’s wild to be here right now because the entire city leaves to go hang out at beaches or in the countryside, which means it’s a ghost town.
But, he is headed to the Darien Gap this week and is swamped with freelance jobs! That’s not a bad thing, but it’s why we updated an re-published the capy Easter story.
But thinking on it, I think we’re going to publish it every Easter because CAPYBARAS ARE NOT FISH!!!
Spanish Word of the Week
This week’s article is the Spanish word of the week! Chigüireando! And may you never need to use it!
Hasta pronto, piratas!
